Nice One

:-)

Wise man Says

Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals.
They are so tasty.

Love the neighbor.
But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

The wise never marry.
And when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

Love is photogenic
It needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents
Accidents in backseats cause children

"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a
day than waking up every morning

"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk !

"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours !

God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

A dress is like a barbed fence
It protects the premises without restricting the view

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn

10 Most stupid Qs

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:-No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:-Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:-No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping....you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!

How To Get Rich

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,

"Well, son, it was 1932; the depth of the Great Depression.

I was down to my last nickel.

I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples.
I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.

Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

Who is Guilty

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up!!
Quick! My husband is back."

Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts his back, and then realizes:
"Damn, I'm the husband!"




'Who is guilty' in this situation?? ? ?